I cry a lot. I didn’t used to, though. In fact, that used to be my “thingâ€. I fancied myself a tough girl; in control of her life, one of the guys, daughter of a military man, and really tough. Nothing phased me. But ever since Tom and I came together I started crying more. It started with what I call gratitude tears. Every morning when I woke up next to Tom I couldn’t believe we were finally together, how terrified I was to pack a few suitcases, leave my family and possessions to move to Canada, and the tears would just leak out. The crying then progressed to sad films, Tom’s romantic gestures, and now I struggle with trying not to cry in public. (This is mortifying to me, really, but I haven’t reached Kristen Bell’s level yet.) So what does this have to do with cats?
Well, I’ve been meaning to connect on this blog more and be more personal, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with lately (which I’ll talk about more next week), so in an attempt to both connect and make up for Caturday, I wanted to share photos that I took for Toronto Cat Rescue on Friday. And during the session I almost cried twice, and when I came home I did cry.
The volunteer told me how great the photos were for the cats last time, and how a few had been in the system formonths, and then were adopted the day the photos went up on the website. So then I started thinking about how scared I was to approach Toronto Cat Rescue. How friends had told me they’d tried and been turned down. I thought about how long it took me to get up the courage, and how almost all the road blocks in my life lead back to fear. But I managed to stop the tears by saying to myself, “At least I’m here and helping now. At least I did it in the end.â€
But then I was meeting these lovely cats and hearing their stories, taking their photos and rubbing their bellies, when I confessed that Sam (the last pictured) was extremely similar to Morn. They have the same features, same stocky build, and same quiet, teddy bear affection. I spent a lot of time just watching him explore around, rubbing his chin and belly. When I found out he’d been found with his collar on and his family never managed to connect with him, I was overwhelmed. I imagined losing Morn during a chaotic move and being unable to find him. (I remember when he accidentally escaped my old apartment and was gone for three days, I was a mess.) And while I managed to fight off the tears while with Toronto Cat Rescue, the first thing I did when I arrived home was give Morn a big tear-filled squeeze. I tell you this because for a long time I didn’t know how I felt about the fact that I am a newly filled pitcher of emotions that often overflow. I didn’t know if I was embarrassed or ashamed, but it is who I am and I’m okay with that. I’m emotional and empathetic. And I cry sometimes. (Okay, a lot.) But it’s something I’d like you to know about me, because it’s real.
 
 
 
15 Comments
Lauren
13 Mar 2012 at 12:17 pmThank you for opening up and sharing such a vunerable part of yourself. That takes a lot of courage. And while it’s easy to admit here in the comments that I cry an awful lot these days (I think I have years of repressed tears I’m leaking out here and there), I admire you for putting it out there.
On a seperate note, it must feel really good to hear about how your photography did something incredibly effective – got kitties new homes!
I also want to recognize the bold step you took in approaching the rescue even though you had your doubts.
Thanks for sharing so much with us Sara! You seem to me a precious gem that I would be lucky to have in my life.
Lauren
13 Mar 2012 at 12:17 pmI like to say that I am the perfect/ideal audience member. I laugh when I’m supposed, gasp when called for, cry at all the right times and totally follow the story down every bunny trail.
I can’t hardly go to a movie or watch a tv show without crying these days. I recently saw ‘The Vow’ in the movie theatre and bawled through the whole movie… which was a bit embarassing and overwhelming. But there it is. It’s just reassuring to hear that others do it to.
Lauren
13 Mar 2012 at 12:16 pmI can totally relate to what you are saying about to your imagination and about losing people/animals close to you because I do the same thing. It’s actually a bit of a relief to hear that someone else does the same thing.
Catherine
12 Mar 2012 at 11:56 amI love this entry so much. I think it’s so great that you’re doing work for the cat rescue; your images are beautiful, and hopefully they’ll inspire someone to adopt these lil guys! It’s true – you really are helping the situation, making it better for them not only immediately, but in the long-term as well.
I can totally relate; I’m a huge crier as well. I cry when I’m sad, happy, nervous, etcetera. I really hate it, ESPECIALLY in public! As I’m sure you know, though, crying isn’t weak. It’s strong and sympathetic, because it means you’re confronting a reality.
Take care, Sara!! Sorry that I don’t comment as much as I used to, but I’m always reading. ♥
Laney Butler
12 Mar 2012 at 11:55 amI’m sure those beautiful photos will help a lot with finding them good homes. It sucks that we feel ashamed of our tears as adults. I cry all the time at work…I work with animals.
Lovely photos!
Jacqueline
12 Mar 2012 at 11:55 amOkay, this is just an echo of what everyone else has already said, but please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed that you cry easily! It just means you are super empathetic and conscious of all that you have right now.
And how wonderful that you are donating your services to this shelter! Such a good cause.
Carlene
11 Mar 2012 at 11:54 amI’m very glad I found your blog through Kater’s “All This Happiness” blog. I’ve loved following along, and your photos are gorgeous (I’m a fellow photog, I’m a corporate photographer, so a totally different area of the same world). Thanks for keeping up with the blog and making it something I can count on being updated often, with insightful and meaningful content. You rock.
Sara
15 Mar 2012 at 12:10 pmThanks so much for commenting, Carlene! (Your commercial photos rock, especially the hospital ones!) And I was so touched when Katie/Kater linked to me on her blog and I found her! She is such a sweet heart (and so fashionable to boot!) and her readers are really wonderful and I’ve loved meeting every one who stops by. Thank you!
Daisy Blecker
11 Mar 2012 at 11:54 amI used to be this rock of a person, where not much made me cry except a couple of boyfriends dumping me when I was 16 and 17, and then in the last 18months I’ve felt like there’s an entirely different side of me that cries at everything. I get choked up while watching movie trailers, I cry at how excited children are at presents, at my doggie having to sleep in the kitchen because she’s not allowed on the beds anymore, at parents telling their kids how proud they are of them, everything. It started after watching Oliver for the first time in about 10 years and since then I’ve been a balling mess. The other week I showed by boyfriend the trailer for Big Miracle and I was so overwhelmed with tears for how everyone wanted to help those poor trapped wales I couldn’t help it! And my boyfriend just looked at me and laughed, because for him it’s so strange to see me get so emotional over wales!
I think that throughout my late teens I didn’t appreciate things as I do now – having a home and parents that love me and are proud of me, having food on the table everyday, money to buy whatever I like. Now that I’m a little older and have been able to step back and fully realise how fortunate I am I take more time to fully understand and experience everything I do, and if that means I cry when I watch a trailer with Drew Barrymore in about wales trapped by ice then so be it. Because I feel things more than I did before because I appreciate everything else I have.
p.s The Kristen Bell video has been bookmarked on my macbook ever since I first saw it and every time I see it I choke up a little, because I absolutely adore sloths and how sweet they are and her reaction, although possibly over the top, was absolutely appropriate! If my boyfriend ever organised a sloth to be at my birthday party I’d just sit and snuggle with it all evening, they’re so sweet.
twiggs
11 Mar 2012 at 11:53 amwell hello there! i’m completely new here and i’ve been in your blog for a couple of hours now reading and going through your links and funny stories. and i’m thinking that i’ll definitely follow your blog from now on and add you as a contact on flickr. and now i read this and i feel completely related to you because though i never felt that tough as you id, i felt a little bit tough. and when i saw my mom crying over things on tv i wouldn’t get it… and guess what? now i do get it and i try to handle the crying as well! i think it has to do wth growing old… and i imagine that if i ever have a child that may get even more serious, because we’ve all heard about pregnant women feeling more sensitive (uuhh can’t wait for more tears!). i’m not a cat owner, but a dog and everytime i see somehing dog related news i immediately start crying because i think about my dog in such situation and the thought is unbearable. so yes, i feel your tears and i really enjoyed finding you today! have a lovely week!!! twiggs
(ups long comment here!)
Jennifer
11 Mar 2012 at 11:52 amIt takes a lot of courage to admit something so personal as crying online. Bravo for doing so!
I’m so glad you’re photographing for the cat rescue. So many good kitties need good homes. I love the grey and white one.
Beatrice
11 Mar 2012 at 11:52 amYou should never be ashamed or embarrassed of who you are and what you do. It’s totally fine if you cry. You can be a strong independent tough woman AND cry (a lot).
I wouldn’t say that I’m a crier, but I often cry at movies or just at tense moments in my life. And I kind of feel relieved afterwards. I consider myself a strong woman too. But as soon as it comes to my dog it’s over. Everytime there is a dog involved in a movie or a story or something else I’m a wreck. Pets are like your own children or really close family members/friends. Sometimes I find myself wondering what I will do when the time comes and my dog dies. I don’t want that day to come. Ever. It will be the hardest time (exept for the time my mom died). I don’t want to imagine a life without this awesome creature and then I hold him tight like the world is going to end and cry into his fur.
It’s not a bad thing to cry, because you care.
Kim
11 Mar 2012 at 11:51 amOkay. First of all. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT TABBY! Is that not the hugest cat ever, or just a very petite girl holding him/her?!
I’m sure I’ve mentioned to you what an emotional wreck I am, and always have been. I was just talking about Downton Abbey at a party on Friday night and confessed to crying over every single epsiode (so far) in Season 2. Everyone just looked at me like I was crazy. I was like, “Sometimes they are tears of JOY!” And then I confessed to crying over dog food commercials. Peas in a pod, you and me. It’s not a bad thing, I know, but I do wish I could control it more. Being an extremely anxious person does not help, either. Seems like tears of a different feather are all too willing to pour out in flustered situations, too.
Also, I can’t believe Morn was gone for 3 days and came home! That’s terrifying but also amazing. Seems like every month there’s a new missing pet sign on the poles around here and it makes me so sad because I always figure they never come home. 🙁
Iris R.
11 Mar 2012 at 11:50 amI’m a bit teary-eyed right now, actually. You thinking about Sam, which led to thinking about Morn, made me think about what would happen if I lost my cat.
I’m a crier too. I cried a lot when I was a kid, but by middle school I knew it was frowned upon so I sucked it up for years. And then in the last year, I just began crying out of stress. Even when the load of stress was gone, I began to cry frequently, sometimes happily. It is embarrassing and inconvenient, but as I’ve been told, in some ways it is a gift to be so empathetic. It means you’re living and you’re emotionally connected.
Lysha
11 Mar 2012 at 11:50 amI find I’m the same way – I used to never crack, and as I get older I find I tear up a LOT more often. And I have to say, I’m pretty sure those rescue kitties would have given me a pretty severe case of omg-in-public-cry-face!